Joanna L. Krotz

 

While investigating the characteristics of women’s leadership and gender influences in the workplace for my book, Being Equal Doesn’t Mean Being the Same, to be released in January 2016, I’ve seen how women and men who work together often get tied up in communication knots. Such miscommunications are especially likely over issues involving power, advocacy, and managing the troops. That's because the sexes have distinct ways of communicating. They request action and advice differently. Their verbal responses and timing are different. And they have different styles for expressing workplace demands.

 

To help women understand how men talk in business, and vice versa, I’ve created five examples of typical business interactions where communication between the sexes typically goes off the rails — and what you can do to get it back on track:

 

Power plays

Her way: Women tend to ask lots of questions before starting work.

 

His way: Men simply roll up their sleeves.

 

The result: Men view asking questions as a sign of weakness and assume women aren’t up to the job. But in fact, women typically validate data before starting tasks, sometimes to improve performance. By contrast, women assume that if men don't ask questions, they must know enough to move forward. That's often not the case.

 

For women, it's a good idea to verify that men have the knowledge to complete a task. Collaborate early on or offer help without being asked. If you're male, listen to the questions — they may add value.

 

Picture imperfect

Her way: Women frequently use anecdotes or illustrations about home or relationships.

 

His way: Men rely on metaphors about sports or war.

 

The result: Dialogue can hit a dead end. Women often don’t follow the touchdown images or, worse, assume men don’t care about women’s buy-in. Men often tune out the homey talk or aren’t persuaded.

 

Gender-reversing images won’t work, either. Instead, consider your audience and use gender-neutral images, such as from nature, movies, or weather. If that’s uncomfortable, include explanations of what you mean.

 

Command conflicts

Her way: Growing up, girls tend to establish relationships.

 

His way: Boys usually vie for leadership.

 

The result: Men and women impose authority differently. Each may find the other's style ineffective or offensive. Women see men as heavy-handed or insecure because they come on so strong. Men assume women lack confidence or conviction because they work to get buy-in.

 

To jump the divide, borrow from each other. Men can try being more collaborative. Women ought to take charge more often.

 

Devil in the details

Her way: Women like to tell and hear stories, turn by turn. It's their way of connecting and building the relationship.

 

His way: Men cut to the chase, with only enough detail to form the big picture. What matters is the destination.

 

The result: Each sex becomes too impatient to hear the other.

 

Once more, each can benefit from the other's behavior. Men ought to explain their thinking and avoid jumping to conclusions. Women need to get to the bottom line more quickly.

 

Emotional exchanges

Her way: She tends to treat male colleagues like her husband or boyfriend.

 

His way: He often handles women associates like his wife or girlfriend.

 

The result: A subtle and tricky gender miscommunication. It's also one that people are uncomfortable about examining.

 

Typically, men and women bring into the office some version of the sexual dynamics they have at home. For same-sex couples, the dynamic may shift, but, as with heterosexual couples, one partner likely is more dominant.

 

Whenever there’s an office standoff, where it seems he or she "doesn't understand," it’s a good time to take a break to think it through. Make sure you're not importing a personal issue into the workplace.